Feminism: Why Insane Radicals Shouldn't Be Allowed in the Club

[guest_age]

I haven't posted in a few days, but it wasn't because I was striking (I'm still not even sure what that whole thing is about). I just didn't have much to say. But I do now.

This post was brought to my attention recently, and I'm really having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. For those of you who can't be arsed into reading it, basically this woman, a radical feminist, claims that Firefly is anti-feminist and that Joss Whedon is a rapist.

I'm sure you're expecting me to be up in arms over her insulting Joss or something, but honestly, I couldn't care less about that aspect of it. What I take issue with is her definition of rape:

I believe in the radical feminist definition of rape. That is that men who pressure women into sex are rapists. That women who are pressured are not freely consenting and are therefore being raped. [...] I would argue that most 'sex' between men and women, in the contemporary 'sex-positive', pornographic, male-supremacist culture, is rape.

As someone who was violently raped when she was eight years old, I am offended at her definition of rape. If "Oh, honey, not tonight...well, okay," is considered rape, then we're going to have to invent a whole new word for what happened to me and what happens to millions of other women around the world.

I posted a response to her post, but she has her journal set to screen comments until she chooses to unscreen them, so I am posting my reply here on this journal as well because I am so...unbelievably offended and angry right now that I feel like I have to do something.

Please know that while I am a Joss Whedon fan, I am not making this comment as someone who is trying to defend his work. I am making this comment as someone who was raped when she was eight years old by her older brother.

I won't go into the details of what happened to me, but it was violent, it was against my will, and though I tried to stop it, I couldn't. It was the most helpless and, more importantly, hopeless that I have ever felt in my life. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone in this world, man, woman, or gender neutral.

What happened to me was rape.

Your definition of rape:

I believe in the radical feminist definition of rape. That is that men who pressure women into sex are rapists. That women who are pressured are not freely consenting and are therefore being raped. There have been a few discussions recently in the rad fem blogosphere debating whether all male initiated sex is rape, given that women are politically, socially and economically subordinate to men. So, in my understanding of Joss Whedon as a rapist is hinges on my definition of rape. I would argue that most 'sex' between men and women, in the contemporary 'sex-positive', pornographic, male-supremacist culture, is rape.

While I respect that you have the right to believe this, I have to say that as someone who was a rape victim, I am offended by it.

There is a very large difference between what happened to me and the things that happen to other rape victims that are even worse, and "No, honey, not tonight…well, all right." Do you see the difference?

What your definition of rape does is trivialize what happened to me and other victims around the world. If that is rape, then you'd have to invent a whole new word for what happened to me.

I'm not going to try and persuade you to change your mind, because it seems quite clear that you have formed your own opinions and don't intend to change, but as a victim of rape, I am appalled and offended at your definition of rape, and the subsequent trivialization of my experience that it causes.











I'm not trying to start drama or whatever, but as someone who was a victim of sexual assault, I feel like...like I have to say something to this girl, or no one else will.

And what's more, she's saying that any male/female sex is rape, just by definition. And that it is impossible for a woman to love a man without it being degradation.

Sorry, but that's bullshit.

And don't even get me started on how she claims that no white man can be in a relationship with a black woman without abusing her. Racist, much?

The real gem is when she insists that Joss's wife must only be staying around for the money or "patriarchal concepts of love," but money isn't as important as, "self-integrity, self-esteem, love (sister/lesbian/gynaffectionate love), etc." She's basically saying that the only valid love is between two women, and that male/female love doesn't exist.

It's women like her that give actual feminism--which is about equality, not man-hating--a bad name.

I'm sorry, I realize this post is long and preachy, but as someone who is a victim of rape, I am offended and enraged by her comments, and I couldn't not say something about it.

P.S. I'm making this post public, because I'm not going to be accused of hiding behind a friendslock. If someone wants to argue with me, then bring it.

Edit: Hahaha! Looks like someone isn't above lolcating this cunt.

Edit #2: dancinbutterfly's post about this chick can be found here. She addresses a lot of the things I didn't, and I highly recommend you check it out.

Comments

[paraka]

Umm, wow. I didn't really know that about your past. It must be really frustrating to see how people misuse the word rape all the time. I know it bothers me.

As for this woman? I wouldn't give her a second thought, she's obviously can turn anything into a "Why men suck, and poor women are being abused" argument. I mean, I haven't even gotten to the stuff about rape yet, and I think I have a headache from all the eye rolling I've done. She's just ridicuous!

The part that got me, that made me stop reading, was the bit about how Inara has no reason to become a prostitute, but must like the pretty clothes so puts up with being raped. And then she goes on to how she "services" the people on the ships emotional needs, and never gets paid for it (except from Kaylee, who is the only one who reciprocates). Because obviously, you should be paid for being a *friend* to the people around you. *head desk* Also:
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Joss uses his own wife in this way. Expects her to clean up his emotional messes.
Umm, because that's not what people do in relationships, you know, share emotional problems, and et comfort from loved ones....

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

Really? Sorry, I thought everyone on my friendslist knew. It was my older step-brother the summer before I turned 9. It happened more than once, but I've kind of blocked most of it out of my memory (one of those Freudian self-defense things or whatever), so I don't think about it too often. But still, it hurts to have it belittled, which is exactly what this chick is doing.

I know. I got so angry that I went back and read some of her older entries, and she had a rant in there about how she was never going to speak to a man again because she was at a lesbian bar with some of her lesbian friends and one straight friend who had brought her boyfriend with her, and during the course of the evening, someone joked that the guy was "a dickhead," and this insane chick jumped into their conversation to say, "Most men are." To which the guy got offended and said, "Yeah? Well, most women are bitches." Because somehow, saying that, when she had just insulted his entire gender for no apparent reason, makes him an asshole. *eyeroll* God, get over yourself, girl!

Yeah, I know. What really bugs me about her Inara rant is that Inara's job was her own choice. She worked her ass off to become a companion, and at one point during the series, she's offered a chance to quit being a companion, and she chooses to keep that job. She's proud of who she is and what she does.

And this gal is...trying to take away Inara's choices. If being a Companion is what makes Inara happy, then shouldn't she be allowed to do it? Isn't the freedom of a choice a key element to true feminism? I mean, it's right there in their sexual freedom thing: PRO-CHOICE. So either way, this gal's being a hypocrite. And all right, fine, maybe this chick is never going to see it that way, but I love how she conveniently forgets that Inara also takes on female clients. So even ignoring everything I just said, it's not only men "oppressing" Inara.

I know. It's like she doesn't believe that men are human beings capable of love. GRAH! *eyeroll*

This chick is the reason women like me refuse to call themselves "feminist." Because the true spirit of it has been lost to gals like her.

[paraka]

Really? Sorry, I thought everyone on my friendslist knew.
It's nothing to apologize about! And I knew, or at least thought, you had been raped, but I didn't know the details, I had just run across references, like when you made that speech about it, but never heard you come out and say it, that I can remember (but I go through bouts of abandoning LJ, so you might have said, and I missed). It's just... it's not one of those things you really ask about, you know? I wouldn't even know how.

But still, it hurts to have it belittled, which is exactly what this chick is doing.
God, she's just not worth getting hurt over. I mean, while she was really belittling rape victims, and black women, she's really belittling *all* women, by making us out to be weak and stupid and easily swayed by men and society. You know, all those *billions* of women, just sitting back and being raped (because she seems to consider all heterosexual sex rape). She has absolutely no concepts of what the real world is like.

Because somehow, saying that, when she had just insulted his entire gender for no apparent reason, makes him an asshole.
*God* and you just know that he didn't really mean it, but had said it to be facetious. She is sooo dense.

she chooses to keep that job. She's proud of who she is and what she does.
And this gal is...trying to take away Inara's choices.
And that is another reason I don't consider myself a feminist. It's like, you have to be a certain *kind* of woman to count. Personally? My job of choice would be to be a stay at home mom. I would like nothing better than to get married, have a boat load of children and become Suzie Homemaker. What do you think this person would have to say to that, eh? I agree that choice should be the very foundation of feminism, you should be free to make whatever choices you want, but for some reason, it's not. I'm with you, we should just forget about feminism, and all become equalist. Then, it covers even more than just males and females, it covers ethnicity, sexuality and nationalism.

I know. It's like she doesn't believe that men are human beings capable of love. GRAH! *eyeroll*
You know, I think that's really what it comes down to for her. The fact that she thought the others on Firefly should *pay* Inara to be her friend shows that she's just not willing to give an inch without something in return. I'm sure she lives a very lonely existence.

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

Really, I don't mind talking about it. I used to be really hush-hush about it, but...what happened is part of who I am, you know? I mean, whether I wanted it or not, it's shaped who I am as a person, and I think that having gone through it and made it through to the other side intact has made me a stronger person than I would've been had it not happened. So now I'm okay with talking about it, because yeah, it sucked, but it's a part of who I am and I'm not going to hide any part of me because I'm supposed to be ashamed of it or whatever.

I know. I mean, hey, I joke sometimes that I see everyone as inherently bisexual, but the truth of the matter is, heterosexuality is important for the procreation of the species. The human race needs male/female relationships to survive. We're biologically wired that way. So the only thing I can assume is that she's trying to say that most women are genetically wired to be rape victims, in which case she's belittling her entire gender. *eyeroll*

What I'm most proud of is that as a woman, I have choice. And if I choose to become like...a doctor, great. But if I choose to do something that wouldn't be considered "feminist," then that's fine, too, because it's my choice. Yes, in the real world, most women in prostitution would rather have a different job. But in Firefly's world, A) it's set in the future when things have changed and B) it's a whole different set of rules governing the relationship between Companion/Buyer. Inara's job is her choice, and it's one that she's damn proud of. Not only that, but in the "class system," out of the nine main characters, she's second only to Simon & River, who were born extremely wealthy. Companions are held in extremely high regard in this world, and it's Inara's choice to be one. If that's what she chooses, then more power to her, you know? Rock on, Inara. You rock the fuck on.

Mandi and I were joking that we were going to start an "equalist" movement complete with manifestos, mission statements, and a website. Heh.

[paraka]

Well, I'm glad you've at least managed to come out of it stronger.

I mean, hey, I joke sometimes that I see everyone as inherently bisexual, but the truth of the matter is, heterosexuality is important for the procreation of the species.
Yeah, I sometimes joke that homosexuality is Gods way of trying to stop our out of control birth rate, but we'd be in a really bad place were everyone homosexual.
Also, I was checking out metafandom, and I saw a link to this, something written by a friend of this chick, who is talking about how slash fanfic is evil and oppresses women, and this woman replied:
As to why women, gay, straight and bisexual, write slash fiction I think something I read recently really help clarify it for me. In anticlimax ,Sheila Jeffreys talked about a woman who, as a coping strategy for living with a violent, abusive husband, learnt to have orgasms whil being raped by her husband.
I think slash operates on the same principle. If women are going to be raped (metaphorically) by male supremecy day in and day out, when male supremacy is the air you breathe and the water you drink, then you learn to wring whatever pleasure you can from being raped. Slash is women wringing pleasure from their social and political powerlessness.
I just... *handwavey* what do you *say* to that? *God*.

Mandi and I were joking that we were going to start an "equalist" movement complete with manifestos, mission statements, and a website.
I know, I'm tracking the comments on this post, so had read it. I would totally be in on it :P Do we get badges? I want a badge!

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

LoL, we're thinking of making up a symbol or a flag or something, like a little banner for everyone's UI pages or something. Just cause...we need to unite.

Dude, I'm into slash because I find it hot, end of story. Sheesh! This chick is just...insane. *sigh*

[paraka]

Dude, I'm into slash because I find it hot, end of story.
And I think that's a large part of where the confusion comes from. She just can't picture men being hot, so thinks we're trying to *control* our suffering by making it ours... or some crap like that. Whatever. They're all batshit crazy over there.

*pulls out special icon*

[dancinbutterfly.livejournal.com]

fun fact - dissenter and _allecto_? ARE FRIENDS. from what i understand they work together to put out spinning spinsters. Seriously. I made the grave mistake of wandering to her website where she is pimping SS out. *vomits the two of them*

Listen, allecto claims to be ANTI-SEX. how can you take that seriously?

[paraka]

Yeah, I saw that they were friends. It makes sense, because you'd have to have similarly crazy people around you, telling you that you're smart and oh so revolutionary to be able to come up with the crap they go on about. Ug.

Listen, allecto claims to be ANTI-SEX. how can you take that seriously?
They seem to be anti *everything*. The start off sounding, not too crazy, listing things like mysogeny, and prostitution, but move on to pronography of any kind and, wait for it, *marriage*. I hadn't read sex, but to be honest, I'm really not surprised. The fact that she thinks the majority of sex that occurs out there is rape (any male initiated sex, and heterosexual sex in general!) really makes me wonder how she can have any positive views on sex.