Feminism: Why Insane Radicals Shouldn't Be Allowed in the Club

[guest_age]

I haven't posted in a few days, but it wasn't because I was striking (I'm still not even sure what that whole thing is about). I just didn't have much to say. But I do now.

This post was brought to my attention recently, and I'm really having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. For those of you who can't be arsed into reading it, basically this woman, a radical feminist, claims that Firefly is anti-feminist and that Joss Whedon is a rapist.

I'm sure you're expecting me to be up in arms over her insulting Joss or something, but honestly, I couldn't care less about that aspect of it. What I take issue with is her definition of rape:

I believe in the radical feminist definition of rape. That is that men who pressure women into sex are rapists. That women who are pressured are not freely consenting and are therefore being raped. [...] I would argue that most 'sex' between men and women, in the contemporary 'sex-positive', pornographic, male-supremacist culture, is rape.

As someone who was violently raped when she was eight years old, I am offended at her definition of rape. If "Oh, honey, not tonight...well, okay," is considered rape, then we're going to have to invent a whole new word for what happened to me and what happens to millions of other women around the world.

I posted a response to her post, but she has her journal set to screen comments until she chooses to unscreen them, so I am posting my reply here on this journal as well because I am so...unbelievably offended and angry right now that I feel like I have to do something.

Please know that while I am a Joss Whedon fan, I am not making this comment as someone who is trying to defend his work. I am making this comment as someone who was raped when she was eight years old by her older brother.

I won't go into the details of what happened to me, but it was violent, it was against my will, and though I tried to stop it, I couldn't. It was the most helpless and, more importantly, hopeless that I have ever felt in my life. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone in this world, man, woman, or gender neutral.

What happened to me was rape.

Your definition of rape:

I believe in the radical feminist definition of rape. That is that men who pressure women into sex are rapists. That women who are pressured are not freely consenting and are therefore being raped. There have been a few discussions recently in the rad fem blogosphere debating whether all male initiated sex is rape, given that women are politically, socially and economically subordinate to men. So, in my understanding of Joss Whedon as a rapist is hinges on my definition of rape. I would argue that most 'sex' between men and women, in the contemporary 'sex-positive', pornographic, male-supremacist culture, is rape.

While I respect that you have the right to believe this, I have to say that as someone who was a rape victim, I am offended by it.

There is a very large difference between what happened to me and the things that happen to other rape victims that are even worse, and "No, honey, not tonight…well, all right." Do you see the difference?

What your definition of rape does is trivialize what happened to me and other victims around the world. If that is rape, then you'd have to invent a whole new word for what happened to me.

I'm not going to try and persuade you to change your mind, because it seems quite clear that you have formed your own opinions and don't intend to change, but as a victim of rape, I am appalled and offended at your definition of rape, and the subsequent trivialization of my experience that it causes.











I'm not trying to start drama or whatever, but as someone who was a victim of sexual assault, I feel like...like I have to say something to this girl, or no one else will.

And what's more, she's saying that any male/female sex is rape, just by definition. And that it is impossible for a woman to love a man without it being degradation.

Sorry, but that's bullshit.

And don't even get me started on how she claims that no white man can be in a relationship with a black woman without abusing her. Racist, much?

The real gem is when she insists that Joss's wife must only be staying around for the money or "patriarchal concepts of love," but money isn't as important as, "self-integrity, self-esteem, love (sister/lesbian/gynaffectionate love), etc." She's basically saying that the only valid love is between two women, and that male/female love doesn't exist.

It's women like her that give actual feminism--which is about equality, not man-hating--a bad name.

I'm sorry, I realize this post is long and preachy, but as someone who is a victim of rape, I am offended and enraged by her comments, and I couldn't not say something about it.

P.S. I'm making this post public, because I'm not going to be accused of hiding behind a friendslock. If someone wants to argue with me, then bring it.

Edit: Hahaha! Looks like someone isn't above lolcating this cunt.

Edit #2: dancinbutterfly's post about this chick can be found here. She addresses a lot of the things I didn't, and I highly recommend you check it out.

Comments

[cloverdew.livejournal.com]

First of all, I am sorry that such a horrible thing happened to you and I am glad that you are a true feminist and have overcome that event and grown into a strong young adult. Unfortunately, things of that nature happen all too often and the horrors are no less because the actions are more common place than they should be.

While I absolutely completely agree with your overall assessment of this person and her rants, I have to disagree that being talked into or verbally forced into having sex isn't horrible. It is not always within a long-term relationship ("No, honey, not tonight...") but can be by complete strangers, friends, or significant others. As someone who went through that herself, I do not label it "rape" since rape is defined (by Merriam Webster) as "to seize and take away by force; to despoil" and force usually implies physical force. However, that shouldn't devalue or take away from the legitimacy of wrongness involved in being verbally convinced to take part in something one really does not want any part in.

I do not think this woman has any basis for most of her arguments, but I did want to express my opinion on how strongly I feel about being used and hurt in a physical, emotional, and sexual capacity. Although I was never physically restrained, being verbally forced into having sex hurt, confused, and broke me.

Luckily, now, I have moved past that and am in a place where I can defend myself much better. I hope if the situation ever occurs again, I will be both physically and emotionally strong enough to fend off harmful events.

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying that being pressured into sex isn't a bad thing. That's not really my issue. Having never had it happen to me, I can't really have a personal opinion on it. But calling it "rape," is just...so wrong. Rape is violent and forceful and completely without a choice, and this chick is trying to make it sound as though any man who wants to have intercourse with his wife at any time is raping her, even if she consents.

But by making the definition so broad, it trivializes the experience that so many people (women and men) have had to go through. It's like if someone punches someone on the arm, and calls it murder. Big, big difference there.

And that's not to say that being punched doesn't hurt, and it isn't a bad thing that shouldn't have happened, but it's not "murder."

This metaphor sucks, so I'm just going to shut up. *headdesk*