guest_age: (Default)
So...tonight's the night. Today after work I am going to meet a friend for dinner, and then the two of us are going to drive to my synagogue, and at 6:30 PM EST, I will begin my conversion ceremony and finally become a Jew.

I may throw up.

Sadly, that is not hyperbole, but also not how it sounds: I AM SICK! AGAIN! I went to bed Tuesday feeling fine and woke up on Wednesday with a stomach virus of indeterminate origin and now any time I eat solid food, I have to lie down and not move for awhile, lest I vomit. So dinner right before my ceremony will be...um, interesting.

FUN TIMES WITH KACI'S PISS-POOR IMMUNE SYSTEM.

But I am not letting it bring me down. Oh, no. I am excited and so ready to do this and nothing can dampen my joy.

My rabbi asked me to explain to him why it was so important to me to convert -- after all, this isn't like Christianity where you have to be "saved" in order to receive some ultimate reward. (In fact, the question of an "ultimate reward" isn't even a factor. And if there is one, righteous non-Jews have equal access.) The best way I could describe it to him is thus:

Imagine you're driving down a dark and lonely road one night. You didn't ask to end up on this road, don't even know how you got here in the first place, but here you are. And then you get the flat tire of awareness and suddenly realize, "Hey! I'm on the wrong road!" But now you can't fix the tire, so you have to start walking, trying to find the right one. So you walk and walk and walk and finally, you find yourself at your own front door. But you turn the handle, and it's locked. You knock on the door, you ring the doorbell, and the door still doesn't open. You peek in the window and see your family and the warm comforts of home. You wave and knock and try to get their attention, but still the door doesn't open. You're home, but you can't come in, and so you just stand out there alone.

And now, finally, the door is opening.

That's how it feels. I read somewhere else a phrase that I immediately fell in love with -- someone described the process of converting as "being adopted," and that's true, too. The family inside the house I described may not be the one I was born to, but they're still my family. I still belong with them. They still care about me and want me to come in. They want me there and I want to be there, and until now, the only thing that's kept us apart is that door. But tonight, it opens. Tonight I can finally come inside and be embraced and they can finally do the embracing.

Yeah, okay, I'm pushing this metaphor, but that's how it feels, it really is. And I'm so happy that I get to come home tonight.
guest_age: (Default)
Okay, so...yeah, it's been a long time since I've posted here or at LJ. I mostly moved to Tumblr because that's where all my fandoms went, but I hate how it's such a big no-no to post about personal stuff over there, and posting about RL stuff has always helped me work through it, so I need an outlet. And then I remembered my dreamwidth so yay.

So...yeah, shit's going down in my neck of the woods. Like, major, life-changing shit. Fun fact I haven't shared with anyone yet: you know how I've been studying Judaism for more than five years now? You know how I've literally wept over the fact that I'm not Jewish yet?

My rabbi and I have finally set a date. January 18th, 2013. Two weeks from today. I'm converting reform so I realize that not everyone will view this as a big deal because to them it won't mean I've converted at all. But to me and the people in my community, I WILL FINALLY BE JEWISH. I am so excited that I can't even put it into words. Every time I think about how close it finally is, I just burst into a huge smile and want to do a little dance and everything is just...wonderful. I may post the essays I had to write at some point, just to preserve my answers about why I'm choosing Judaism and why I feel like Judaism has chosen me. ANYWAY. SUPER EXCITING.

New topic: my Tumblr recently kind of...exploded because there was this post going around with this comic on it that ended with two gamer boys telling each other they loved the other and Rachael asked for fic and when she asks for fic I am basically powerless and so lo, there were 3,500 words of fic, which I then posted. And suddenly I went from having 120 followers (which seemed like a lot at the time...) to, at the moment, 378. And I guess for most people that'd be really awesome and cool but now I have this weird stage fright about posting over there because there are suddenly so many eyes on my Tumblr and I am nothing if not an anxiety-riddled, desperate-to-please slice of pathetic warmed over. So yeah, that's an odd place to be in, terrified to post to my own blog. *facepalm* I'm glad they liked it but I can't help it, this is just the way my brain works. :-P

ANYWAY. I may raid the Yuletide prompts/DYA letters again because I want to write but my brain is just like, "Ideas? What? No."

So maybe I'll do that this weekend, after I finally catch up on S5 of Mad Men. Although Rachael says she wants to watch Gravity Falls with me this weekend since I can't shut up about it, so we'll see.
guest_age: (TBBT | Leonard | Boy you suck.)
It seems to me that there are four basic categories viewers tend to fall into when it comes to Karofsky's storyline on Glee. First and foremost, you have the apologists: Karofsky is a big, misunderstood teddy bear who deserves love. These people are confusing Max Adler, a perfectly charming and kind person as best as I can tell, with Dave Karofsky, a lifelong bully who torments not only Kurt but the entire glee club--and who sexually assaulted Kurt Hummel in the boys' locker room. Then there are the indifferents--those who really don't care one way or another; their focus is on other characters, other storylines, or they simply don't think about the implications of his storyline. Then there are those who violently hate the character--who want his story resolved as soon as possible so he can be written off the show, who wish it had never been done to begin with, who judge anyone who falls into the fourth category by lumping them in with the apologists.

If you are in the third category, then this post is aimed at you. Because I fall in the fourth category and I'm tired of it.

The fourth and final category is a middle ground. It's the group who believes Karofsky is a bully who should be punished (re: not "cruel and excessive punishment" but an appropriate level) for what he's done, but also acknowledges that he is, whether the third group wants to think about it or not: a human being who is going through something extremely difficult and made a slew of piss-poor decisions about how to handle it.

Let me tell you something, fellow Glee watchers. I have been bullied my entire life. I was bullied so badly in the sixth grade that my mother put me on temporary home school and transferred me to another district for seventh. My grandmother drove me to school every day for six years because I couldn't ride the bus due to the other student's behavior toward me. I was also raped at age eight by my older step brother. So while I can not speak for every person who has been bullied or sexually assaulted, I do speak for myself, and with experience. So if there is anyone on this planet more predisposed to hate Karofsky, to wish him dead or off the show or whatever your personal choice for his exit might be, it's me.

But I don't, and the entire point of this post is for me to share with you why. Because while I am absolutely not a Karofsky apologist, I also know how incredibly important it is to not only show bullying of teen gays and show us how Kurt rises above it, but to show us the story of internalized homophobia.

Cut for length. )

Porn Post!

Nov. 6th, 2010 01:27 pm
guest_age: (GUC | Love not a penis in her behind.)
The entirety of this post will be placed under a cut rather than put on my porn filter because a certain someone *sharp eyes* asked me to make the post public so they could link other people to it. That said: This post will be public, so if you don't want your comment to be public, don't leave one! As always, my e-mail is Kaci.JaBeth@gmail.com and I am happy to correspond through that if you'd like to keep it private. Or, no correspondence necessary! Just enjoy the porn!

35 Porn Videos All Featuring the Same Guy Getting Fucked. No, REALLY. )
guest_age: (Matt & Trey | Adam | That was awesome.)
So...basically, I have this bestie who is completely obsessed with Cat Deely/Dominic Sandoval from SYTYCD. And really, who can blame her? They're adorable. But apparently people are deaf, dumb, and blind or something, because their whole thing is they play up the will they/won't they on the show. So IDK what's going on there, but she asked me to make a post of all the clips where they flirt with each other, and so I have. Spanning two seasons of reality TV and three years of real life, this is the Epic Love Story of Cat and Dom.

This show has better continuity and relationships than most scripted dramas. )
guest_age: (FANBOYS | Eric/Linus | Hug)
JSYK, I have decided that it's justifiable that I vidded instead of doing my homework. I'm a film major, so technically, this shit is "real world experience." Also, it helped me learn Adobe Premiere Pro and After Effects, which are industry standard and which I went far too long without learning, and will help me with my animation production class this semester. So...I may fail my classes for not doing my work, but at least I learned something! ...shut up. I know I'm stretching it.

Anyway, have a Fanboys vid:

Title: "Fake It"
Fandom: Fanboys
Character/Pairing: Eric, as Linus sees him post-high school. Eric/Linus.
Song Used: "Fake It" by Seether
Details: .avi encoded with DivX
Summary: You're such a fucking hypocrite.
Download: Fake It (18.3 MB)



Lyrics. )

Click for the notes. )
guest_age: (FANBOYS | Eric/Linus | Can I kiss him?)
Title: Keep the Flaws
Author: [livejournal.com profile] guest_age
Fandom: Fanboys
Pairing: Eric/Linus
Word Count: ~9,000
Spoilers: Entire movie.
E-mail: Kaci.JaBeth@gmail.com

Fanboys in love. )
guest_age: (Default)
notes )
guest_age: (Default)
Tonight was incredible. We came in and we were given drinks (I tried the wine, decided it, like most wine, was shit, and opted instead for trying some Tru Blood, which was also shit) and then we got at least two minutes to talk to Sam, but more if we wanted and he was willing, which omg, he so was. I talked to him three separate times just at the reception. So the first, I told him I loved the show, had watched since the beginning, thought he was great, Alan Ball was a god, etc. Basic stuff. He gave me a hug and the photographer snapped a picture, and then we wrote down our addresses for her to mail us them.

Then a little while later, after he had met with everyone, I went back for more 'cause omg, hi, Sam freaking Trammell. So I asked The Question. The Question about if Sam would be attracted to Bill because he drank Bill's blood, and if Bill would always know where Sam was and if he was in trouble. The Question that fandom has been asking itself since the finale, basically.

"Since drinking Eric's blood made Sookie and Lafayette attracted to Eric, and let him know where they were at all times, what will happen now that Sam has drank Bill's blood?"

Well, ladies and gents, I got an answer.

"You know, that was the first thing I thought of when I got the script! So I went to Alan Ball and asked, and he said, 'Oh, wow! I hadn't thought of that yet! We have to explore that in season 3!' I don't think Sam's going to be attracted to Bill, but he did nearly drain the guy, so Bill will probably always know where Sam is and have some control over him. But that's up to Alan!"

So we have an answer!

So then I got one of the empty bottles of Tru Blood and asked Sam to sign it, which he did. It has my name on it, spelled right and everything! :-D

So then we move from the reception to the actual theatre where the Q & A is taking place. They had this cute little red carpet in front of the door and the guy who organized it asked those of us who were there early to cheer loudly for Sam when he got there because his dad was escorting him in (his parents still live in Charleston) and it would make his dad so proud. So we did. We cheered really loud and his dad beamed like it was the best thing ever. Sam talked to us more, signed things, took pictures, was generally awesome.

So he turns to go in and this one girl goes, "WHOO! WE LOVE YOU, SAM!" and it cracks him up so much that he goes back to her, signs more things, takes two pictures with her, and gives her a hug, all 'cause she made him laugh. I'm telling you, this guy is amazing.

So then came the Q & A. The facts of which I have put under the cut. )

So then the organizers sort of herd Sam out the back without telling anyone, trying to get him out of there quickly. Except where was my car parked? The back entrance. So I'm getting into my ghetto car and all of the sudden, "Hi, Kaci! Thanks for coming! It was so nice to meet you!" I NEARLY DIED.

General observations: Sam is even hotter in person than he is on the show. He is also a truly nice guy. His beard is going a little gray, and it makes him look dignified. Seriously, such a nice guy. No one I talked to other than Sam himself had noticed the Sam/Bill thing until I pointed it out to them. Great minds, you know.

And...that's about it! I had such a good night! Please enjoy the crappy cell phone pictures under the cut, because I forgot to take my regular camera. I will post the picture of me and Sam as soon as it's mailed to me. ♥!

Pictures! )
guest_age: (SYTYCD | Tyce | OMG.)
I don't know, you guys. I really don't. I'll confess right now that Benji isn't my all-time favorite from this show (or even from his season; it goes 1. Joshua Allen, 2. Travis Wall, & 3. Benji Schwimmer) but he really is an amazing performer. He's also Mormon, which leads to my song choice...

Banner. )

Title: "Rhythm in Me"
Fandom: SYTYCD
Contestant: Benji Schwimmer
Song Used: "Rhythm in Me" from the Altar Boyz soundtrack
Details: .avi encoded with DivX
Summary: Does Benji's church know he shakes his booty? Let's just hope they're not watching...
Download (Right Click + Save Target as, or Option + Click if you're on a Mac like me): Rhythm (15.6 MB)



Lyrics. )

Click for the notes. )
guest_age: (GEN | Dorm Life | Shane/Gopher | Hugs.)
I really needed to have a copy of Tyce's "Adam and Eve" routine on my LJ 'cause 1) It's awesome, 2) Tyce is precious, and 3) I'm working it into the Tydam fic I'm working on, so now I do have it here. )

I actually paid for music yesterday for the first time in...possibly years. Damn you, Darren Criss. Damn you and your getting me to love you so much that I'll blindly follow you from HP the Musical to some unrelated webseries you worked on a long time ago. I paid for the web series' soundtrack! *headdesk* Randomly, I was telling Kristyn about it, and I said, "And so Lauren Lopez plays Darren Criss's girlfriend..." and she said, "Didn't she play Draco and he play Harry in HP the Musical? OMG HARRY/DRACO." I laughed so hard it hurt.

Oh, interwebs. You give me so much joy.

P.S. Shane tried to kiss Gopher FOR THE THIRD TIME on one of this week's Dorm Life webcams. If something doesn't happen soon, I am going to DIE.
guest_age: (SYTYCD | Tyce | Cocksucking lips.)
You ever come across one of those pairings that seems almost bordering on crack with how seemingly random it is, but you write it anyway, and then you start thinking about it and revisiting old canon and you realize how utterly fucking obvious it was and you should've seen it sooner and aren't you an idiot? Rob Corddry/Ed Helms was like that for me (minus the actual writing; I read a fic for that one), and so is my newest pairing love, Tydam. Tydam is Tyce Diorio + Adam Shankman all wrapped together in a big gay fluffball of dancer/choreographer love with a heaping helping of angst thrown in for good measure. They met in 1990 while dancing together at the Oscars for Paula Abdul and eighteen years later, Adam's a guest judge on SYTYCD and Tyce is a guest judge and regular choreographer for the show. And their love? Is kind of epic.

See, Adam always compliments Tyce on the routines he choreographs, but in 2008, Tyce did this routine for eventual winner Joshua and his partner Katee about finding love and reconnecting with someone who means the world to you. Adam then tells Tyce that it's the "best routine he's done all season," and Tyce gets this look on his face like, Yes, you got it. That was meant for you. He looks so shocked and blown away and almost...scared of the implications. Adam then goes on to say that "there's nothing more exciting than the perfect combination of two dancers and a choreographer and you guys just became like...the holy trinity of SYTYCD. So congratulations, that was awesome." And Tyce? Looks like he's ready to cry. It's the most precious thing. Turns out that icon I have of Adam (which I have had for almost a year now, btw. I made it while Rachael was here visiting in August of 2008) is actually Adam responding to that routine.

And the whole rest of the show, Adam is like...completely giddy, because obviously he knows he is going to have epic get-back-together sex at the end of the night. And Tyce? Isn't even on the episode that was filmed two days later. Clearly he is still in bed trying to recover, heh heh. And the next week when he's back to choreograph again? He looks SO HAPPY. And the routine he does is all giddy and bouncy and :-D! and you can just so tell that it's because he and Adam finally worked shit out. It's so cute.

So under the cut is a vidspam of Tyce's routines he's done on episodes where Adam was on and Adam's subsequent comments. Some of them are shippy and some of them aren't, but I want all of them preserved for my own memory & fic puproses. Oh, and a picture of them on a bed together. Seriously. Adam twitpic'ed it like the day after I realized I shipped them. He's totally doing that on purpose. :-P )

And um...that's Tydam. Come over to the dark side. I have fic-cookies. :-D
guest_age: (FIRED UP | N/D | Hello grope.)
Yeah, so...I can't get them out of my head. I have tried. I really have. But no matter what I try to write or what icons I try to make, I always end up coming back to them. I don't know why, but there it is. I'm freaking obsessed with Nick and Downey from Fired Up and I can't even explain why. All I can do is...flail in their general direction. Heh. Anyway. Pic, quote, and gif spam to help alleviate the urgency with which this obsession has gripped me.

Definitely not for dialup users. )

I feel better now. Hee.
guest_age: (Matt & Trey | OMG TONGUE.)
It finally happened, kids. Kaci gave in and not only made her first vid since January, but she actually made one for BASEketball. I'm so driving the bus to hell. *groan*

Banner. )

Title: "Something Right"
Fandom: BASEketball
Pairing: Joe "Coop" Cooper/Doug "Sir Swish" Remer
Song Used: "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K
Details: .avi encoded with DivX
Summary: We should get jerseys 'cause we'd make a good team...
Download (Right Click + Save Target as, or Option + Click if you're on a Mac like me): Something Right (32.1 MB)



Lyrics. )

Click for the notes. )
guest_age: (Default)
So I finally finished my The Office canon couples mix! It only took...what, months? I got stuck on Roy/Pam, Darryl/Kelly, and Andy/Angela for awhile, but...I think I'm proud of the way it turned out. I want to give mega props to [livejournal.com profile] 823freckles for all the help she offered during the making of this, too. <3

9 tracks | 2 Front Covers & 1 Back Cover | Spoilers for seasons 1-4

Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved. )

P.S. [livejournal.com profile] 823freckles made a mix that goes along with this for all the non-canon couples, so check that out. :)
guest_age: (GEN | Queerocity | "Gay rights.")
I haven't posted in a few days, but it wasn't because I was striking (I'm still not even sure what that whole thing is about). I just didn't have much to say. But I do now.

This post was brought to my attention recently, and I'm really having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. For those of you who can't be arsed into reading it, basically this woman, a radical feminist, claims that Firefly is anti-feminist and that Joss Whedon is a rapist.

I'm sure you're expecting me to be up in arms over her insulting Joss or something, but honestly, I couldn't care less about that aspect of it. What I take issue with is her definition of rape:

I believe in the radical feminist definition of rape. That is that men who pressure women into sex are rapists. That women who are pressured are not freely consenting and are therefore being raped. [...] I would argue that most 'sex' between men and women, in the contemporary 'sex-positive', pornographic, male-supremacist culture, is rape.


As someone who was violently raped when she was eight years old, I am offended at her definition of rape. If "Oh, honey, not tonight...well, okay," is considered rape, then we're going to have to invent a whole new word for what happened to me and what happens to millions of other women around the world.

I posted a response to her post, but she has her journal set to screen comments until she chooses to unscreen them, so I am posting my reply here on this journal as well because I am so...unbelievably offended and angry right now that I feel like I have to do something.

My response. )

I'm not trying to start drama or whatever, but as someone who was a victim of sexual assault, I feel like...like I have to say something to this girl, or no one else will.

And what's more, she's saying that any male/female sex is rape, just by definition. And that it is impossible for a woman to love a man without it being degradation.

Sorry, but that's bullshit.

And don't even get me started on how she claims that no white man can be in a relationship with a black woman without abusing her. Racist, much?

The real gem is when she insists that Joss's wife must only be staying around for the money or "patriarchal concepts of love," but money isn't as important as, "self-integrity, self-esteem, love (sister/lesbian/gynaffectionate love), etc." She's basically saying that the only valid love is between two women, and that male/female love doesn't exist.

It's women like her that give actual feminism--which is about equality, not man-hating--a bad name.

I'm sorry, I realize this post is long and preachy, but as someone who is a victim of rape, I am offended and enraged by her comments, and I couldn't not say something about it.

P.S. I'm making this post public, because I'm not going to be accused of hiding behind a friendslock. If someone wants to argue with me, then bring it.

Edit: Hahaha! Looks like someone isn't above lolcating this cunt.

Edit #2: [livejournal.com profile] dancinbutterfly's post about this chick can be found here. She addresses a lot of the things I didn't, and I highly recommend you check it out.
guest_age: (Default)
Banner. )

Title: "Gay Bar"
Fandom: Entourage
Pairing: None | Ari + Lloyd Friendship | Episodic of "Dog Day Afternoon"
Song Used: "Gay Bar" by Electric Six
Details: .avi encoded with DivX
Summary: Ari asks Lloyd to "take one for the team," but then has second thoughts.
Download (Right Click + Save Target as, or Option + Click if you're on a Mac like me): Gay Bar (17.4 MB)



Want to know the words to the song? They be here, lassie! )

Hark! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the notes, and they are long!

Click for the 'detailed notes'. )
guest_age: (Default)
5 tracks | Front & Back Cover Art | Spoilers for episodes 1-6

So a kiss is out of the question? )

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